No Pain, No Gain

The hardest part of recovery is the pain..... 

Pain comes in many forms and usually we just adapt. Eventually, it gets better and in some cases it completely resolves itself.

You know the saying "No pain, No gain"....... This term I'm pretty sure was coined through work outs and sports. However, it can be applied to our personal pain as well. If you fight through the pain you will gain strength and find a fighter deep inside that you never knew existed. I have decided to use my pain to help someone else through there pain.

I was 17 when I first felt the pain of losing someone I loved. Not just anyone but my brother; my best friend. It wasn't like we had any easy life to begin with but we had each other always. The day I walked through the door to see his lifeless body on the table is a day that has been forever branded in my mind. Watching our Mom weather this storm was probably the most indescribable circumstance I've ever been a part of.

If I dwell in this dark room of my mind reliving my past long enough, I become paralyzed with grief all over again.

Today is Kyle's birthday and it's always an emotional day for me.
I eat Taco Bell and Chocolate Chip Cookies because that's probably what he would want.

I'm going to play baseball with my boys today because if he were here that's what he would do. They would love him and he would be crazy about them...especially the mischief that get into.

I feel the pain of losing him as much as possible because it helps me remember that I had an amazing brother who believed in me. He protected me and encouraged me. Although, his overdose was accidental... I will give it meaning by sharing it with as many kids and adults as possible. 

My pain is channeled through determination to raise awareness of addiction.

I've had people ask me "How are you doing it?"

All you have to do is hold on to God and know that in the midst of your storm, He is there.

This isn't something I learned over night. My Mom had to remind me every day.

God has given me platforms to share my story and assist others in breaking their chains. Addiction not only chokes the life of the person it has a hold on but it drowns everyone around them in pain as well.

I am living proof that you can survive the affects of someone else's addiction. I lived through a Father who loved substance more than me and I assure you though it is painful you can survive. I know what it feels like to be used & rejected. I know what it feels like to hold drugs and alcohol in your hands and say "No."

I remember thinking: Why didn't you take me? and feeling like I wasn't good enough to do anything for God because of where I came from. 

Those are lies that the devil wants us to believe. Feelings of inadequacy and self-worth. Those are tools of the enemy to stop us.

Today, on my brother's birthday I am happy to celebrate where my life's obstacles have taken me. I am a Pastor's Wife and I watch people surrender their addictions and circumstances to God on a weekly basis. There is nothing in life I would rather do than use my pain for good.

I am a surviver and I am looking forward to expanding my horizons and helping as many people as I can.

I love you forever Big Brother! I miss you everyday and I will never stop using your life to help others!