The Young Minister's Wife, So Harshly Judged

A life lesson I had to learn the hard way was: IT'S OK TO SAY "NO"

I am not backslid or a stuck up snob if I can't attend every Ladies Meeting and Youth Event in Georgia. At the stage of life I'm in, I have 2 small boys who need and deserve the majority of my time. Not to mention I am a Pastor's Wife/Music Director. They always come first and that sometimes means I have to decline an invitation. 

It's unfortunate that it is said "She uses her kids as a crutch" or "She isn't in the altar praying for everyone, she's just in the back socializing" If you could really understand what a Ministers Wife with small children truly has to conquer in order to just be at an event we would give them gold stars and nothing but praise every chance we get. 

I don't think we should walk on egg shells or take on more than we can handle because we are afraid of what everyone else thinks about us sitting with our children instead of singing! If you are guilty of talking or thinking ill of a Young Ministers Wife "standing in the back".... Shame on you!! 

When the time is taken to take a step back and look at these scenarios...... 

How is the attitude towards the girl in the back or gossiping about her any better than your assumptions of her? 

It doesn't give you brownie points with Leadership or make you look Uber spiritual when you point out the wrong doings of others. Again, we don't have a looking glass into someone else's life.

When you have been called by God to lead, it's not an easy thing to change your approach to 1st be a Mom. It's not our place to judge or label someone because they aren't doing what "we" think they should be doing.

I myself have dealt with ugly attitudes and assumptions made about me as a Ministers Wife. These are issues I have experienced first hand. 

It is not only unfair but usually it is totally off base. Do you know that not all "pk's" are outgoing???? I know this is blowing your mind but there are some out there that would rather die than speak to you....... 

I bet you couldn't guess but I parent one of those. He is one of the loves of my life and I know God has a great plan for his life one day but right now, he is growing. Which means, putting him in the nursery or designated child care is not always an option for me. 

          Before, I get snarks.... No, he does not make the rules in our house. However, is forcing him (while kick and screaming) to stay in a room full of strangers worth it just so I can go to a ladies meeting?? In my opinion, No, it is not. 

Not only am I traumatizing him at the time but I am making it extremely hard on the nursery worker (who is usually an underpaid student) and every other child in the room. Now, if you choose to leave your child in the nursery even though he is protesting, that is your decision and I do not fault you for it.

We are all different. It doesn't make me right and you wrong.

If at all possible when an event comes up, where I need to be involved, I do my best to work out my own solution for childcare or keep my boys together as they do better together. I am not encouraging anyone to just not get involved because they have a strong-willed or shy child, but they shouldn't be made to feel like a rank sinner because of the stage of life they are in. 

I guarantee any woman, scratch that; Ministers Wife over 50 that you ask who should come first 

1. Your Children or 2. Church Event/Service? Hands down, they would say, "Your Children"

There are times when it works out for a couple to tag team with their children, that is wonderful. However, don't feel bad to say "No, I'm sorry I can't be involved this time." If it is a service where your husband needs to be involved. As a Minister's Wife, I come up under my husband and if it's one or the other, I submit to him every time.

This has been a very hard topic for me personally because not only have I been there but I am there. I went from being actively involved in most every event in our District to Semi-Involved in a handful. It's not always easy and just remember, looks can be deceiving. You have no idea what the Ministers Wife with 4 kids sitting in the back is battling in her mind. It's not your place or anyone else's to demean her or make her feel less that what she is because she isn't in the front laying hands on people. 

We as the body of Christ should lean on each other and be there for each other, not tear each other down.

I personally have very close friends that have went through some very dark valleys due to scrutiny. Again, it's not our place to do anything but love. When we marry that handsome Minister it's roses and Mountain Tops. You feel you can do and be anything you want to be. Then you start a family, and with that comes many challenges that a million books couldn't prepare you for. So, you take a step back to raise a family and support your husband from the sidelines. That is not a bad thing. 

My job is to Minister to the Minister. 

Yes, I am capable of doing other things but God has placed me in this stage of life for now and I'm ok with that. I don't need anyone else to be ok with it because, it's not for them that I live. 

If I could leave you with anything today, it would be this. 

The person who's hair you comb everyday is the person that will cause you the most grief. 

Work on your heart. 

Work on your mind. 

Work on your soul. Stop picking a part everyone else's life and focus on yours.

Your worst enemy is yourself!

As a Young Ministers Wife, I often wonder why we have no form of unity? I wonder why we have set unattainable standards for each other? 

Why don't we find an elder Minister's Wife and say "pour everything you have into my life" I have one of those Ladies in my life. I call her "Nana" She lived many years as a Minister/Pastor's Wife before I came into her life and married her grandson. She has shed many tears for me and I listen close to every word she says. She has taught me more than she could ever know just by the example she leads. She told me once after my second child was born and I was dealing with health problems that "God had a special place in Heaven for Mother's. Don't feel you are unaccomplished or failing in the Kingdom. You are only here for a season and God is still using you." 

I will never forget that and after that moment, I began praying and seeking God to help every Young Minister's Wife that is raising children. I hope I never forget what it feels like to stand in the back and watch because my kids are acting up.

 I want to remember so that I can show compassion, understanding and love when I am no longer in that stage. 

Lift up your head Ministers Wife! You are doing exactly what God wants you to do. You are raising up another generation to serve Him. The greatest thing you may ever give to God could be that baby you rock to sleep every night. 

Be Encouraged,

Denisha